A "pleasant" surprise?

 I had the audacity to sign up for Facebook Dating of all things to sign up for. 

While that was bad enough, I wasn't prepared for what I saw...

Soooo I'm swiping, and swiping, aaannndd swiping....and then, I see...HER.

The first beautiful woman who ever showed me raw attraction. The first Black Queen who helped me awaken to my truth.  She looked different. She looked as if she had been depleted of her energy. Exhausted. For the time we communicated with each other, she informed me she had been abused, controlled, unappreciated and unsupported. 

She felt drawn to me, for some reason I am still unaware of. Over a decade later, I still have no clue as to what drew this human being to me.

However, this time, we both have changed. She has clearly become only attracted to the conventional, the superficial. Which is NOT me. I'm far from it, actually. She, a fit fem Queen, while I am a Chubby disabled Nonbinary Deity who refuses to conform to societal standards of what beauty means. So, unfortunately her changes are not to my benefit. Nor mine to hers.

So, I swiped right on her profile. Yet I did not get the same in return. I should have figured we wouldn't have matched. But I held out hope that she would remember who I was and want to start up something again. But nope. And that's ok. It hurt a bit but I had to remember...she is an ultra fem who prefers studs or masculine females. I'm split down the middle. Hence, the fact that I am nonbinary. Although when she met me she liked my presentation of femininity at the time. But she's clearly in the cookie cutter box of lesbianism now. And I'm a big ol queer who does whatever the fuck I want...

So I bid that beautiful Black Queen a final farewell. And she will forever be the first human being who led me to living my truth with no apologies.

Thank you L.M. (Nikki)